Saturday, September 8, 2012

Culvert Laboratories, again.

Early tests are encouraging

Our best men at Culvert Laboratories have done it again. We’re proud to announce the pre-announcement of our new social media software. We’re still working out the glitches, but this new app will allow you to connect, literally, with fish that are interested in your flies!

Here’s how it works: you create a profile explaining what kind of fly fisherman you are, what type of flies you will be fishing, and what kinds of fish you’re interested in catching.  Imagine: “Dry fly man, fishing elk hair caddis, sizes 12 through 16, seeks length-weight proportionate trout, rainbow or brown, interested in drag free upstream presentation.” Fish create their own profile, explaining what kind of fly they’re interested in biting.  Imagine: “Smallmouth bass, 16.5 inches, seeks crayfish pattern bounced on the bottom.  Will consider topwater, too.”

Then, if it is meant to be, our complex algorithm brings you together.  It’s that simple.

Now, we hear your objections: “This is unsporting!”  But is it, really?  The only fish you’re going to catch through Facehook are those that are actively seeking your flies. It’s win-win!

The app isn’t ready for release, but early tests are encouraging.  All of the fishermen we’ve asked to test the app have found it very easy to navigate.  Drop down menus take much of the guesswork out of the equation, but fillable text boxes still allow customization.

Our problems, so far, are on the other end. Steelhead have expressed interest but they object to the porn filter. Most of the porn they’ve requested is pretty mild stuff  (mostly egg-filled redds, maybe some milt shots) and we’re working on customizing the filter. Bluefish want porn too, but what they’re interested shocked even us.  As it turns out, bluefish like human-on-human porn (particularly freaky stuff, too) but because we hope to market the product to women and children, not to mention long-eared sunfish and pumpkinseeds, we simply cannot allow this.  Musky don’t even return our emails, but we never really expected them to take to social media. Despite these challenges, we’re hopeful. Crappie seem to love the idea, and yellow perch are excited as well. 


  1. And all this time I've hated bluefish because of our differences when I never saw the similarities. Nice oost

  2. g0nefishin9 likes this

    and don't forget the status updates: 'skunked', 'hooked', 'spooked'...
    I hear bananafish are excited, but they insist they want strippers. do you know something about the strippers?