Dear English Jonny,
I installed another ceiling fan today. This one is bigger, very nice looking, and is in the master bedroom. When you flip on the switch on the wall for the light, which is part of the fan, the light does not come on. When you flip the switch that is for the fan, it does not move. But the fan really does look nice up there, on the ceiling…as still as a rock.
(Also: the fan remains still, and the house does not spin around it. So, there's a problem with the fan or with my wiring.)
(And also: I took down a perfectly functioning fan with light before I put up the non-functional one in its place. I had to disassemble the working fan to get it down. So now I have a fully intact immovable fan on my ceiling, and on the floor I have the 37 parts of what was formerly a functioning fan.)
My day has been not entirely unlike a trip to Rhode Island.