Tuesday, December 4, 2012

What you probably don't want to know about Fly Fishing!




Recently, “Slurp Magazine” had a chance to sit down with Fly Fishing for a lengthy interview.  The transcript follows.

SM: You’ve been at this a long time, yes?  Are you still enjoying being Fly Fishing?

FF: Yep, without a doubt.  Several hundred years, I think.  And yes, I still enjoy it.  I’m not going to say I enjoy all things about it, all the time, but on balance, it’s a pretty good gig.  I mean, it sure beats being Model Railroading! (Laughs)

SM: What do you mean when you say you don’t like things about being Fly Fishing?  Do you mean because sometimes there are more effective ways to catch fish?

FF:  No, no.  That’s not it at all.  It’s fun being Fly Fishing so I don’t care if there are better ways of catching fish.  It’s just that sometimes the pressure to be everything to everybody is over the top.  Jesus, I’m just Fly Fishing!  You know what I mean?

SM: I’m not sure I do.  You’re a pretty important part of a lot of people’s lives, aren’t you?

FF:  I’m fun to have around, yes.  Fine.  I get that.  But come on!

SM: But a lot of people find real meaning, in their lives, from you.  Meeting you borders on a spiritual experience.  You don’t feel some responsibility to those people?

FF:  Oh, for Fuck’s Sake!!  Would you cut that shit out!!??  No, I don’t feel responsibility to those people.  Does Captain Kirk feel a responsibility towards those freak shows called “Trekkies”?  I fucking hope not!

SM: I have to admit I’m finding this all a little surprising, and the language you’re using is a little disconcerting.  When I first met you, I was going through some tough times.  My job was…

FF: (Rudely interrupts) Stop!  Just…please…stop!  I am NOT interested in hearing about your job.  I want you to tell me about how I helped you catch a big fish.  A real big fish.  Get it??  And what do you mean you find my language disconcerting?  I’m Fly Fishing.  I can help you pull fish out of the water by their mouths.  I cannot help you “find yourself”.  OK!?  OK!?

SM: OK, OK.  Jeeze.  Forget it.  Are there things you enjoy, besides being Fly Fishing?

FF: Oh yeah.  Lots of things.  Lately, I’ve been getting into hunting.  Really calms the mind, you know.  You get out there, and it’s almost as if you become one with nature.  I can’t really explain it.

15 comments:

  1. Did Fly Fishing google "Slurp Magazine" before agreeing to do the interview before sitting down? No wonder he got all upset when the 'date' went to talks about feelings. SM has some really gay photos up on the internet!

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    1. Yeah, that's a different "Slurp" magazine. We're still not sure who will get to keep the title.

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  2. Hahaha. Fucking love this.

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  3. $3? That won't even cover your end.

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    1. You might recall that we tried to get $12.00 for the inaugural issue, and some readers balked.

      We listen to our readers, and give them what they want. It's the Culvert Way.

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  4. That crap about hunting being about anything other than killing animals to eat is pure BS. I'll write more when I get back from my pottery class. I'm too damn stressed right now.

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  5. When I'm fly fishing, the sunlight glinting off the surface of the water fractures into a thousand tiny existential pinpricks of glowing virgin light, which heals my soul and moves me closer to god.

    All I'm saying is you'll never get that shit firing a 30-06 into some deer's vitals.

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  6. Which is probably yet another reason to take hang out with Hunting.

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    1. We got a big tent. And it's full of dead animals.

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  7. There is a certain respect that is due fishing. When ESPN took over BASS this kind of disrespect surfaced and I'm no longer a member. There is a reverence to fishing.

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    1. I agree wholeheartedly, which is why I think Fly Fishing makes some very good points in this interview. For example, is it really "respectful" of Fly Fishing to constantly write about Him in cloying and overly pretentious prose? Might He occasionally want to just enjoy himself, perhaps by catching a few fish, sharing a drink with friends, farting in Nature, and going to bed at the end of the day tired and dirty, but satisfied?

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    2. Also, read this: http://theanglersculvert.blogspot.com/2011/02/in-open-praise-of-russell-chatham.html

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    3. Haha, I also wonder about robots too. Except the ones that I imagine fornicate, belch, swear, fart, drink, skip church, and beat their robot wives. Probably not good fishing company for Mr. Chatham, but aside from the spousal abuse; that's pretty spot on for most ALL of my fishing buddies.

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  8. This Fly Fishing sounds a little sensitive, touchy, and a bit stressed. Maybe Fly Fishing should take up golf.

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