Friday, April 5, 2013

It never does, really.

Hey Brayshaw,

So this spot I plan on taking you to... is around 2.5 mile hike in, downhill... it was high 40's... a bit chilly so I was dressed warm.  Had some beer with me, a cigar, etc. It's a celebration, bitches.  I make the hike in, flows are perfect.. I lay the backpack down, crack a beer... grab the cigar and go to grab the lighter. Fuck all things holy. I've lost the lighter. $80 or so.  More importantly, I've only an hour or so of daylight left, and I've also lost my car keys. The only set.  I called the wife. She said "Well you should start looking for them before it's dark".  Well no fucking shit. I told her I wouldn't. I'm living in the woods forever. Fuck it. I'll burn the car and return to the valley. No lighter though, so fuck that one too. I fish for maybe 10 minutes in the prime spot, a deep cut in a 20' wide area...where it goes from 12" to 6'.  No dice. Still a bit cold, which I realize since I'm sweaty as a whore in church as the sun sets. Time to look for keys. And my goddamn lighter. Fast forward 2 hours, foliage covered inches at a time... 1.5 miles back towards the car. There they are, nestled in some ivy.   Another 40 minutes and no lighter and it's fuck it all.

Best part of the story? Last year.. I think I probably even emailed you about the trip... I get all the way into the spot..and I was missing my goddamned flies. An hour+ later, I'd found them. But not before I'd lost the only beer I'd packed in.

Well, I found that fuckin' beer yesterday. Squirrels had gnawed through the label in vain. The cap still secure, she appears solid. In my fridge now.

I was really hoping, after finding the beer (I also lost my hat) ...that I'd find the keys, then the lighter... then return to the cut... and catch a monster hybrid. I'd smoke the cigar, drink that beer and have the best story ever. Didn't quite work out that way, but it never does, really.

- Later,


  1. The hardest nomadic hunters have been known to struggle without a lighter.

    Your tale reminds me of most fishing trips I make, save for the lavatory dynamics, of course.


  2. "Look at the lips on that one!" Henry Chinaski, Barfly the Movie