The Man of Steel

The other day, I went steelhead fishing for the first time. I hooked two steelhead and landed them both, but I can only show you this photograph because I fear the other will give away the location. I can only tell you that on the way home, I passed Grandpa's Cheese Barn. But, I digresstivate, and I've already said too much.

In any event, this is a "How to" piece. In the paragraphs that follow, I am going to tell you how to become an expert. You may be wondering how I could claim to be an expert, having caught only two steelhead in my life. You are misunderstanding me. I am not going to tell you how to catch steelhead - how could I, as I myself still have no idea how to do it? I did it, but I don't know how it happened. No, Gentle Reader, I'm going to teach you how to become an expert. There's a big difference.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I must explain that I, myself, am not an expert. I was an expert at one time, but then I got smart. If that sentence doesn't make sense to you, consider reading it about once every five years until it does. And until then, please avoid me on the water.

Expertise, in fly-fishing, has nothing to do with catching fish. It's all about presentation. (Get it?) Now, it is crucial that you catch at least two steelhead (or whatever it is that you're going to be spewing on and on about). Anything less, which is to say one or zero fish, and your drivel will rapidly deteriorate to whatever it is that drivel becomes once it has deteriorated. I was fortunate to have caught that second steelhead. Things were not looking good, but fortune smiled upon me, and hence I am now in the position to claim expertise.

Why it is so important that you catch two fish? Because then you can say things such as those that follow (and please, feel free to use these in your own writing, as is or modified as necessary - the list is really endless, and I could do this all day, but my book isn't finished):

"I find steelhead will take egg patterns in a variety of colors. About half of my steelhead have come to pink eggs whereas the rest have been taken on yellow eggs."

"When I fish for steelhead, I like to work through the slower, deeper pools as well as the faster, boulder-strewn runs, as I have taken fish from both kinds of water."

Disingenuous? No. Well, initially, perhaps. But if you say these things enough, you will begin to believe yourself, at which point you're no longer being disingenuous. You're being something else, perhaps, but not disingenuous.